Beware of frauds

Many up and coming authors should beware of frauds. They are usually easy to point out, but that is not always the case. Some seem quite sincere. Many also falsify credentials that makes it even more difficult to generally suspect them. One main point in identifying them is they usually exaggerate their ability, how many clients they have, and so on. They usually are very aggressive to get someone to purchase their services without wanting the person to look into what they are actually purchasing. And, this is the most important, they habitually put their personal lives over their profession and use this as a justification for not getting anything done on their behalf. Before considering doing business with anyone claiming to be a publisher, all up and coming authors should take a little time to get to know who ever it is they intend to work with. When and if it is considered, the next step is to get some form of written contract into play. If anyone ever suggests that you pay before any such document is concluded, that is a sure sign that they are only out to scam you. As with anything, all writers should make sure that all bases are covered. The well being of your finances, your work, and your sanity may just depend on it!

Hard to relate

I must admit that it is indeed very difficult for me to relate to the majority of other people. It's not that I don't understand them, it's that I don't think that they understand me. I am, for the most part, extremely different from most of them. I have my own ways of doing things. I may be wrong, but I feel that the majority of people are so similar, that they are all almost the same. The monotonous and the mundane mean very little to them because they are so busy living it. I, myself, have always considered being such a way to be regressive indeed. Sometimes I feel that I am so unique that it makes me virtually alone. And for anyone, that should be painful. I think we, as humans, all share a basic need to have others be interested in us and to feel that we are cared about. But, perhaps being alone is just an inevitable reality that even the most stouthearted of us has to deal with.

A question of Life

I have often asked myself the questions 'Why am I here? What purpose does MY life have? What is life?' To this day I still have no idea. It's almost as if I'm stuck in this rotating land mass of a planet with no idea as to what pertains to me. I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in this aspect of thought. The funny thing is that there are virtually no clues to answer such a question. Religion claims to have a correct basis of truth, but it doesn't even come close. All it does is throw even more confusion into the fray and leave everyone just as hopeless as before they found it. Being human definitely has it's difficulties. The physical and mental limitations that we all face is no cakewalk. But to think that the majority of us live our lives and pass into the great abyss without ever truly knowing who we are and why we are here is mind boggling. It almost makes you want to give up on life entirely. All I can really do is try to accomplish solely what pleases me, regardless of how others feel about it. After all, I'm the only one that I know living THIS life!

A Productive Year

Now that 2010 is almost over, I'm happy to say that it was a pretty productive year. First off I got a company to make a book trailer for my first book 'Praise the Shadows' and then I actually published my second book 'Blessings of Death'. I went to Europe and promoted both of them with fair results and did the same thing in Northern California when I returned. I also managed to finish two more short stories this year as well 'The Alchemist' and 'One Night in Csejthe'. I also have enough material completed to publish a third book next year. As far as 2010 is concerned, I have nothing to complain about!

You are what you choose

I've always had the belief that you are what you surround yourself with. Whether it be the music you listen to, the movies and television shows you enjoy, what you read, which friends you have, and so on. What you bring into your life usually has a profound effect upon you as a person. I've noticed that a lot of 'ordinary' people all watch the same movies and listen to the same music, all doing this while at the same time mocking more unique souls with different tastes. I find it absurd just how many simple minded people are influenced negatively by movies and music that are socially accepted. I feel that anything that gives praise to any sort of crime or violation of anyone else to be not only unnecessary but also ridiculous. Hopefully I am not the only person who feels this way

Another moment of sadness

Earlier this year my cat, sinjee, A Siamese passed away. Now I face the prospect of losing another pet. Maddie, a boxer dog has been with my family for a little over half a decade. It's very sad to know that I'm going to lose her now. I only hope that her passing is painless and peaceful. Never in my life have I seen a more loving and loyal dog. She has an malignant tumor and isn't supposed to live out the month. I will miss her forever. The comedian George Carlin was right when speaking about pets. You truly are inheriting a miniature tragedy!

Looking down on criticism

It is always when we are judged or have our work critiqued that either our best, or our worst comes out. Personally, I have never had too much time for those that try to harshly judge me. Whenever someone tries I simply resort to the age old response 'How are you any better?' It never fails, someone who has never created anything in their life feels like they can stomp all over someone Else's work for whatever reason and I see it all the time. They always try to add in their two cents as if hearing that would actually improve the quality of my work. If anything, it would be detrimental to it. If you give certain people an inch , they will wind up taking much more than a mile. Agree to listen to their supposed help, and, chances are, they are going to have you forget about your instincts entirely and be something you are not. I have one message for anyone who has any form of critique regarding my work, Don't read it!

Same Old, Same Old

I forced myself to watch the remake of a very popular 80's horror classic the other day, and it really made wonder just how desperate filmmakers are for new, decent material. To say they butchered it was a definite understatement. I personally believe there really hasn't been a great horror movie produced for years. And it just goes to show that what I've been saying for ages rings especially true now. People are exhausted by the same old formula that horror movies are created with. They want fresh blood, if you will. Ideas are the very fabric of producing anything, and it does make me wonder how open the Hollywood elites are to new ones. Ones that are based on originality not commercialism. I think its time for them to realize that the only reason horror ever made it as a successful genre was because someone took a chance on an obscure subject. That subject is not as obscure as it once was. In order for people to become the fanatics they used to be, a new approach is needed I think. The 'same old, same old' must be replaced. Hopefully, I can soon turn people's heads, and their stomachs, with MY material!

Trusting too much?

I've seen a lot of people who, when it comes to anything having to do with people, are extremely paranoid and distrusting. I know how society likes to label them as being overtly negative and their feelings as unnecessary, but, for the most part, can you really blame them? I personally believe that you can only trust a very select few in this life and even then you really have to be careful. People have proven to me numerous times that it is very dangerous to even consider trusting them, no matter how sincere they seem to be. Being too trusting can be best described as naive at best, foolish at worst. And it has cost some people their very lives. So, when I look at that fact in it's entirety, I guess being paranoid is none other than a necessary evil! Trust, in all honesty, has to be earned rather than given.

Right or Wrong?

What makes something wrong or right? I always find myself asking this very question on a regular basis. I have noticed that when the majority of people accept something as the norm, then it is also accepted as being 'right'. But, what do the majority of people really know? Are they the moral stronghold that the universe is governed upon? If anything, they are only going to support something as being right if it has some sort of benefit for them, regardless of the consequences. All people do this. I'm pretty sure it is this self-righteous attitude of people that had caused many of the world's problems going on today. If something is morally reprehensible but is brutally enforced does that make it right? And if something is morally sound but completely ignored by the masses, does that make it less than what it is suppose to be? Makes me wonder.

A question of Doomsday

I sometimes wonder how people feel about the supposed pending doomsday that is right around the corner, December 21st, 2012. I really don't know what to think about it myself. I mean, if it actually does come to fruition that this is the day we are all due for oblivion, what can you really do? You can't stop it from happening and you shouldn't live your remaining days in absolute fear as a result of it either. The only reasons I even consider it is because both the ancient Egyptians and the ancient Mayas had this date on their star charts as being the day of some sort of cataclysmic event. If it had been one of the many Christians 'prophecy seers' I probably would have laughed the whole thing off. I, for one, hope it doesn't happen. I haven't been as successful as I want to be! If the whole world dies on that date, it would only give me two years and a month and a half total to realize and finalize my dream. That is definitely not a lot of time. But, you really never know. I don't believe the planet is any real danger of extinction. The people, however, might be!

Finally finished!

I recently finished my 25th short story, 'One Night in Csejthe'. Being elated as usual after finishing a story, this time I think I am even more. This particular story carried with it several problems and challenges from day one. I had writer's block for weeks on end sometimes, and that was not the only thing I had to deal with. Life usually throws us all curve-balls but the amount of distractions I had while writing this story was unparalleled. From having to help move family members several times, to having to clear things out at my own home, it can be quite nerve wracking. I think that is why I'm so proud of myself for actually finishing it. There were several times during the writing process where I wanted to just quit because I thought it was taking too long and I didn't know which direction the story was going to go but I'm glad I didn't. I think it's just another lesson for myself that perseverance always pays off in the end. A writer writes, always. Now, I am going to start a new story titled 'To the Victor, The Spoils'.

A real freak

A freak should never feel shame. I have said this countless times in my life, and it still rings just as true for me today. People that have never experienced being one, could never know. I find it rather amusing when browsing social online sites (i.e Facebook, Myspace, etc) because I see several pretenders(people that say they are different or act different simply to get attention) But I doubt these same people have ever encountered the daily occurrences that every freak must face. I doubt they have endured the REAL pain that comes with the territory. The pains of rejection, humiliation, unwarranted hatred, dire loneliness, and so on. I doubt most of them could deal with it. That leads me to the question: Why pretend you're a freak? Being a freak isn't exactly something anybody strives to become. You just are whether you like it or not. If you truly are not a freak and just want an expanded social life, there are probably other ways of getting the job done. As for myself, I never had a choice. No matter which road I chose in life, it always brought me back to the same path. After a while you simply embrace it.

Is it really TOO expensive?

It's a fact that most authors now-a-days have to pay a good majority of their publishing costs themselves. They also have to take care of the majority of publicity efforts as well. Some writers happily accept this sad fact, yet there are some who never get anything accomplished as a result. I have seen so many people use the excuse that it's too 'expensive' and therefore quit all required action. If you are serious about being a writer and getting published you will not let monetary issues prevent you from fulfilling your dreams. I, for one, had to save several months working many jobs I hated before the opportunity came to me. But, when it did, the elation that followed was beyond what words could express. Regardless if I was considered 'successful' by others or not. It all comes down to this, if you think publishing costs are expensive, just try to imagine yourself unpublished for the rest of your life.

The good few

Believe it or not, there are actually some in the publishing world who sincerely try to help writers find success. Because there are so few of them, you really have to use complete discretion. The method I used before I went with a publishing company that actually worked was to befriend someone already in the business. When you know someone personally and you are on good terms with them, it really adds to your benefit in the publishing process. I think the one major mistake I made with the would-be fraud (my first publisher) was that I did not get to know her better. Knowing someone gives you the indication on how professional they are, how serious with your benefit they are, how fair they are and so on. Personally, I'd say that less than 30% of publishers are actually going to give you a fair deal. But, because I do have an extremely fair publisher, I can't necessarily say that they are all out to cheat you. It makes me very grateful to have such a publisher and it also gives hope to the rest of the writing world who is trying to be published.

Being realistic

In the business of writing there exists many people out there who are essentially unrealistic on the quality of their work. What I mean by this is that they feel that their work is worth a fortune simply because they created it. While I admire anyone's pride in their efforts, it is this same belief that holds them from real progression. My publisher recently had a would-be client who was very difficult in this manner. He felt that his work was a guaranteed success and that it was a basic privilege for her to be publishing it. He also wanted her to continuously compromise her fees and services. I thought the whole thing was quite absurd. I mean, when you think about it, if his work was so magnanimous why had he never before been published? You would be surprised to find out how many would be writers actually feel this way and they refuse to be flexible enough to understand the thought that Rome was not built in a day, neither will anyone's career ever be. It is a life-long process. Needless to say, my publisher wasn't tolerating such behavior from anyone who needed her much more than she needed them. Writers must have a down to Earth attitude regarding their direction, their career, and so on. After all, as far as success is concerned, it's completely up to them.

Reading between the lies

I don't know if everyone has had the opportunity to deal with low end publishing companies that promise to get everyone published, a no questions asked sort of deal. Well, if you haven't you've probably saved yourself a lot of time and frustration. I know for most budding authors out there it seems very promising to have an avenue that will finally bring your work to fruition. But, as with everything, we must read between the lines. The first thing these companies will do is charge a nominal fee (and that is usually substantial by the way) then say they first have to 'proof read' your work and see if it is up to their standards. What there standards are, however, is not discussed with you and never will be so they can have a justification for the next part of this so called 'process'. The next part is, of course, to say that your work is not good enough for them to sell to major chain retailers and then to say that the only feasible option you have is to have your work 'reviewed' by their editing department. This also will cost you a nominal fee. The editing department will then subtly mangle your work (and any esteem or self-belief you have as a writer) until they have a finished product that is more to their liking. Usually by that time it does not even remotely resemble anything that you created in the first place. This leads us to the final step, basic rejection. Even if you are fortunate enough to have your work actually published (90% of those that apply usually do not) you shouldn't expect to see your work in any major bookstores and any and all promotion of your book will have to be handled by you. In short, you are back to where you started from except now you are at least 3 to four thousand dollars poorer (sometimes it is more). I, myself, have never relied on such companies as I consider totally worthless and anyone who does not want to go through the same 'process' I have before mentioned, should feel the exact same way!

Happy Halloween

Halloween has been and always will be my favorite holiday. I absolutely adore the history of it and the wicked mood that brings is simply to die for! But, when the holiday comes around each year I just cant help but notice the amount of commercialism that is apparent. I mean people actually think it is just about getting into some asinine costume and asking neighbors for candy. Most of them probably don't understand that it is a pagan celebration and many believe it is the one night of the year that spirits of the dead actually walk the Earth among us. I guess I have a unconventional attitude towards Halloween. I like to enjoy myself usually in a cemetery and in the night time I will get out my organ and play haunting tunes. And the truth is, it is the one holiday of the year where I can truly be myself.

Creating a demand

I know by experience that there are many writers out there that think they are going to be an over night success. It is these same writers who believe that their work should only sell for nothing less than a fortune. I'm pretty sure that with time most of them have to learn the hard way that without a demand for their work, it won't sell at all. That leaves them with only two available options. Either to #1: just quit writing altogether (you'd be surprised at how many of them do that) or #2: Create a demand. Creating a demand can be challenging. I, myself am still in the process of doing it. But, I don't believe anything is truly impossible. I think being flexible in where your work is being shown has a lot to do with it. For example, I like to approach book stores (usually little holes in the walls) and offer complimentary copies of my books to see how the public responds to it. Plus it's a great way to get the owners of such stores to read your work as well. I know a lot of people would have a great deal of trouble in giving away their work for free, but if you truly want to be noticed and appreciated, sometimes it's a must. Remember, the more people read your work the more they know about you. And the more they know about you, the more of your work they want to see.

Hustling while you wait

'Everything comes to he who hustles while he waits.' Words of wisdom from Thomas Edison himself and to writers I believe this statement hold sincere truth. I have seen several people, once they were published, lose all of their work ethic and forget that getting published is only a small part of the whole journey. Next comes marketing and a slew of other activities that can be less than desirable at times. It's almost the same as when you see someone who has graduated from a very prestigious university. They feel that the worst is over and now opportunities will be coming to them effortlessly. Little do they know that graduation is merely the beginning and now they have to compete with other fellow graduates as well as people who have more experience than they do. For writers, I believe that you always have to stay motivated no matter your current situation. Even if you are well established, if you decide to rest on your laurels there is a great chance that you might miss several chances to promote yourself even further. And anyone who is anyone realizes that success, although rewarding and wonderful, is definitely not permanent.

The inevitable

The inevitable has once again happened. Today I turned 33. To tell you the truth, I really don't like birthdays. All it does is signify that age is having it's horrible way with you. Sooner than you know it, all of your youth is lost and then you join the countless ranks of the 'old'. No matter what anyone says, I'm sure it is an extremely unpleasant journey. The older you get, you realize there is merit in the statement 'It's better to burn out than to fade away'.I guess all one can really do is stay young at heart, because the rest of you sure isn't going to!

Back to Scotland

I had to change my plans for Halloween this year. Originally I was supposed to go to New Orleans to view the grave of Marie Laveau, the voodoo priestess. That plan unfortunately become sidetracked. So, instead of procrastinating and wasting valuable time I have decided to once again get out my passport and visit Edinburgh Scotland. This time things should be significantly different. The last time I went to Scotland, I wasn't a twice published author (I actually looked up several sources while I was there to see if they were interested). Of course I am going to see a lot of the sights I saw while I was there last time. Especially the haunted graveyard, Greyfriars Kirkyard. There is a history to it that is quite interesting. It is supposedly Haunted by a specter known as the Mackenzie poltergeist, the restless and evil spirit of 'Bloody' George Mackenzie. This entity is supposed to be able to touch the living. The last time I went there no such event happened, but a woman did pass out possibly out of fear (all the ghost tours are done precisely at midnight). Hopefully this time things will be different. I also plan to see more of the Highlands as well and anything else that I missed the last time.

A valid question

I have had a pretty productive week, as far as writing is concerned. My new story 'One Night in Csejthe' is coming along rather nicely. I also keep running into circumstances that constantly remind myself that I'm definitely different than other people. You know, things that keep reminding me I'm a freak. Not that it's a bad thing. I love it especially when certain people act like they are superior to me in some fashion. I have learned to laugh such instances off. But, they do well to let me know just who I am! There truly is no escaping it. I don't know if I can honestly say I'm used to it because the truth is that you never really get used to it. But, then I ask myself a question I have asked millions of times. "Would you rather be normal?" And that question holds significant validity for me. I believe there is a reason for everything. I feel that 'normal' people, for the most part, live their life void of passion and purpose. They all seem happy enough to be a part of the masses. To be nothing special in the grand scheme of things. When one considers that, one must understand that it's a reality that must be avoided at all costs. Yes, I may be physically hideous. Yes, I may be eccentric to a fault. Yes, I may even be considered 'Evil'. But, there's only one of me! Who else can actually say that?

Ms.Anthropy

In the brink of everyone's career choices, there is always one person who stands out as very helpful or influential. For me, that person was Ms.Anthropy. Without her help I really don't think I would have accomplished half of the things that I have. She helped me at a time when I was truly considering giving writing up. I was working at a mental hospital when I met her (she worked there aside from being a publisher). By chance I told her of my problems regarding my would-be publisher (The fraud I have described on several occasions). Hearing my temporary woes, she carried me to a new direction. It was her idea that I take matters to a attorney and retrieve my book rights back from the fraud. And then, with her help and blessing, I started the process all over again except this time I actually got the results that I wanted. Of course I remain pretty far from being totally satisfied with my literary journey, but, at least with her help, there is such a journey taking place. We all have had help at one point in our lives, and I believe we owe everything to those select few who have helped us. Because the truth is, such people are indeed a rarity!

Favorite seasons

Believe it or not, I'm really not a spring or summer person. My favorite seasons are autumn and winter. I like what they tend to symbolize. A lot of the stories I create take place in either one or the other. Not to mention that my favorite holiday, Halloween, takes place around the same time as well. I think the world is most beautiful around this time. The dying, fading colors. The cold and chilling weather. The somber mood and atmosphere. I truly enjoy myself around this time. I like the historical significance that comes with both seasons. How the ancient people would sacrifice to their gods and pray for a good harvest. Some ancient societies even had gods that represented these seasons. There is absolutely nothing like walking through a graveyard during autumn or, especially, winter. The feel is pure pleasure. At least it is for me!

Opening the RIGHT doors

I have heard several people say that in order for an author to get well known to the public that they have to go on radio and television programs, give seminars, attend events, and so on. I don't know if it always rings true for everyone. You know the saying, there are many different roads that take you to the same place. Call me old fashioned, but I believe that if you can get the right people to read your work, and if by chance they like it, then you can open several doors for yourself without having to partake of so many endeavors. The question is 'How do you get the RIGHT people to show any interest in reading it?' That usually proves troublesome. But, I don't think it's necessarily impossible. I'm pretty sure that there are several people out there with numerous connections that love a good horror read. And with that in mind, I've always got my eyes open!

A reason to live

Usually with a story, I have to inch my way to progress. It happens every time I put a pen to paper. I marvel at writers who can just breeze their way through their work without having to deal with writers block and so forth. But chances are these very same writers are probably not as meticulous as myself when it comes to my work. Being a perfectionist, as a writer, is second nature. Every word must be perfect. No exceptions. Such a demand from myself requires a lot of painstaking effort, but I feel it is worth it. The feeling you have when complete a story that you are proud of is the best euphoria a person can have, In my honest opinion. I don't simply want someone to read my work, I want them to FEEL it in their every being! I want to shock them. I want to alter their perception on reality as a whole and have them question their very life and purpose. And I never want them to experience a healthy night of sleep again! It is that necessity to move people with my wicked words that I still continue to write. It is my salvation. My reason to carry on with life!

Perpetual emptiness

I have a struggle with what I call 'perpetual emptiness'. It's that feeling that you are truly dead inside. That nothing really matters, not even life itself. To have such feelings you no longer feel the joy of life and living basically turns to an unwanted sort of chore. It would be difficult to describe this to someone who has never felt it. Professionals probably call it 'Depression' but I think there is more to it than that. Feeling the way that I sometimes do, I can understand why some people decide to commit suicide. Although I, myself, would never even think of doing anything like that. Others who feel similar as myself probably have forgotten the joys life is supposed to bring with it and instead feel nothing but sorrow. In that state, it seems that nothing can bring you out of it. Not even a strong desire to free yourself from it. After all, who really wants to live like that? I have had this struggle for most of my life and even to this day I don't know of any permanent solution to it. The only answer I keep giving myself is to try to continue on with life, even if it is only to see even more 'perpetual emptiness'.

Inevitable Madness

"We all go a little MAD sometimes" Who could forget the famous quote from the character Norman bates from the film 'Psycho'? I think there is more validity to that statement than some might think. With people being the way that they are and life being usually chaotic, madness should be pretty ordinary. I actually have a lot of experience in dealing with the subject at hand. I worked in a mental institution for three years. Prior to working there I had no experience in such a place, so you can just imagine how much of a shock it was to me. After spending three years in such a place, you really start to ask the question "Is there really that much of a difference between madness and normalcy?" Even to this day I don't know if I can answer that. A lot of the patients I saw actually had normal lives before they were subjected to some kind of terrible trauma. When you look at that fact rather closely, you can see that anyone and everyone can be subject to insanity. It all depends on your circumstances. Life can be fragile. Even the slightest sort of negative happening can alter it forever. Considering how weak psychologically most people are, there is good chance that they will never recover from any sort of true trauma. It is because of this fact, that I myself have adopted the philosophy "Madness is Bliss"

What is Greatness?

What truly is greatness? I ask myself this very question on a consistent basis. Is it monetary success? Having people admire your work? Or is it something that is within you that only you can feel? Everyone probably has a different view of it, as everyone sees or senses it through different things. Being a writer, I only apply how I see it through literature. I believe the only people that have achieved greatness in this field have long since passed. And while I see several people trying to achieve it today, they just don't have the magic those of long ago possessed. Today I think writers are solely interested in fame and fortune and not substance at all. You can easily observe this fact when reading any of their work. It is based on the 'selling' formula, if you will, that everyone has been force fed for years. Sure, they might sell a lot of books. They might even get themselves an interview on a popular talk show. But, they are losing the true essence of being a writer which is to create something interesting and thought provoking. To 'move' someone with their words. The greats of the past could easily accomplish this feat. The writers of today are a lot of things, but not for one second would I call them 'Great'!

Why love?

The concept of love is one I have had to struggle with my entire life. I guess every true freak feels the same way, and with good reason. For most of us, love is nothing more than a hopeless ideology. A well-intentioned fantasy. I learned at a young age that people could be cruel, especially the ones that are supposed to be most loving(i.e Family). And that terrible truth holds just as much truth to this very day as it did back then. It's not that I think that love doesn't exist, Of course it does. I just think that it definitely is not the way we think it is. I think it is a privilege of very few. You know, those seemingly happy couples that we've all passed from time to time. If your not one of them, you must get used to the pain and humility of rejection and indifference. Most of us cannot endure such a thing. I have seen many people tolerate abuse like you could not believe because they were terrified of being alone. And what do you think makes them feel such fear? Aside from the basic insecurities we all feel, I think it's fear of feeling like they were inferior. The feeling of being like a freak! When I was young I used to feel it too. When enough time passed that fear and self-loathing turned into a kind of dignity, believe it or not. Now, it doesn't even bother me. A thousand rejections or humiliations wouldn't even matter. I find solace in being a freak. A solace that normal people couldn't imagine!

Being satisfactory

If someone would have told me how long I would be working trying to get myself established as a writer, I would have definitely been shocked, but, I don't think it would have made much of a difference. You know the familiar phrase 'The joy is in the journey, not the destination', I guess that holds true for me. I have had many memorable moments writing my stories. And, I have been writing them now for almost a decade. Writing for as long as I have, I have given myself a sort of standard, if you will. A standard that I feel separates me from the rest of the writing world. You know, if you are a writer that is, if your work is satisfactory or not. And if it is not, then it is time to take a look at any outside influences that may be affecting you. Luckily for me, my work has always been more than satisfactory and the day that I feel otherwise, I will probably quit.

Trying not to please everyone

I have a natural persona that tends to give most people the creeps, especially women!
But, if you think I feel the slightest inch of shame for being the way that I am, think again! I don't really feel it's my problem to act as natural as everyone does, I just have to remind myself that I am not like everyone else and believe me , I am thankful for that! I usually have to remind myself that most people are indeed superficial and fake. So, when I act like myself(which basically means not at all caring for the dogmatic structures of society) I tend to offend most. Which, believe it or not, is not my true intention at all. I have learned in this life with people being the way that they are, that you are going to offend them or rub them the wrong way no matter what you do. You definitely cannot please all of them so why bother trying? I find it quite humorous when people try to meet one another through dating. They usually act like someone they are totally not just to impress someone who probably dislikes them anyway. Most of them have to learn that terrible fact the hard way! It is much better to just be yourself regardless of the consequences. In truth, I wouldn't change one thing about myself. The more people dislike me, the better. It simply enforces my beliefs even more so

The Dream Job

I think the dream job to have would be to be paid to travel to haunted sites and to write about what you experience there. Although I'm sure that most sites that claim to be haunted are indeed a farce, I'm also pretty sure that there are more than a few extraordinary cases that are in need of documentation. I think the most truly haunted places are not even known by the public and it is these places that I am interested in. Places with an often gory past and have phenomenon happen on a regular basis. To spend a night in such a place would be simply divine! At least for me. If you are lucky enough to feel the presence of a ghost, whether good or evil, it is a experience that you will carry with you your entire life. How wonderful!
Working in a graveyard or a mortuary would also be nice, but I'd prefer the former. So much more to see and feel!

A question of fate

The thought of the concept of fate is enough to keep anyone awake at night. It is the concept that no matter what sort of steps you take in life, the outcome is predetermined. so, in essence, if you try your hardest to be something positive, productive, and successful and your meant to be nothing but mediocre then that will be your end result. I have mixed feelings for such a concept. I feel that any situation can be influenced and altered depending on the character and grit of the individual facing it. But, when I take a hard and unbiased look at countless stories that tell me otherwise, it truly does make me think. If it is indeed true that all of our lives have with them some sort of prearranged pattern if you will, then where does that pattern include the factors of choice, cause and effect, and otherwise? I guess I will never know. Fate itself leaves a lot of room open for similar questions. And we must ask them. For because of fate not everyone is meant to experience the finer things in life and if there are ways to circumvent fate and actually experience anything that we desire, It would be nice to find out about them. Before I die, I hope I discover exactly that.

Reasons for writing

If you take a look at many of the great Gothic or horror writers from the very-distant past, you will see that almost all of them were plagued by inner demons. It's sad to say that many were drug addicts or alcoholics, and more than a few of them committed suicide. The vast majority died penniless and obscure. These circumstances might explain why, in fact, they chose to write horror in the first place. They probably didn't know anything in life except horror. It encompassed the whole of their lives. Writing was probably their only escape. I, myself, write for different reasons. While I've had my share of depression and sadness, I write horror because I enjoy it. One thing I've noticed from the greats, is that although they are remembered for creating classics(and they should be, of course) They all have a limited number of creations. Edgar Allen Poe, for example, was more a poet than a story-teller. He only wrote roughly 30 short stories. And of those 30, little more than half of them are actually authentic horror. He was equally interested in writing detective novels and pseudo-comedies. H.P. Lovecraft was also interested in writing science fiction. I tend to stick to writing solely about horror because it is the only genre that truly gets my attention and keeps it. I don't think I'm going to experiment with writing about any other genres.

Loneliness

I think that loneliness is something that every person feels every once in a while. Some more than others. When I see people who go out of their way to be different or to make some sort of statement, I just see them as being very lonely. In a way, loneliness is a sort of disease because the damage it can do is irreparable. I, myself have accepted the fact that, for the most part, I'm going to be alone in this life. The pain that I feel, the trauma that I have faced in my life, and every experience that has made me unique, I have been through alone. The real question is whether or not it is beneficial to be alone. I have seen several people who I considered a 'malnourished soul', and it is probably from loneliness that they become that way. As messed up as it is, the human race is supposedly meant for consistent contact. It is this need for constant contact where we get our preconceptions about love, something I don't know if I believe in by the way. It seems as though people lose their humanity when they break away from what they are generally wired to feel. I don't know. What I do know is that the blind definitely cannot lead the blind, and when you realize that the chances of people sincerely loving and accepting you are next to nil you can then accept a very callous yet easy to understand reality. As wired as people are supposed to be towards affection and compassion for their fellow human beings, they most definitely are not. It is because of this sad fact that most of them spend most of their lives feeling completely alone. Coming to grips with that can be difficult, but I'm pretty sure that I have. I was brought in to this world alone and I am going to leave it the same way.

Serious or not?

In my life, I have seen several people talk and act as though they were serious about accomplishing a goal, any goal. But, when it came right down to it, they nothing more than empty words. I personally believe that if your not willing to go to any lengths to succeed at what you set out to do in life than you have no business talking about it at all. Even to this day I still see people talk about this or that, and put plenty of wiry emotion into what they are saying, but the results they achieve are next to nothing. And these same people, who always make excuses about why they never get anything(and I mean anything!)done always have ample time it seems to waste abusing substances, watching extraordinary hours of television, chatting online or playing video games. Such people make me laugh.
If your truly serious about something, you will find the means to make what it is that you want happen. When it comes to writers, I have heard every excuse in the world. "I can't afford the publishing fees." "No one wants to read my work." "I don't have the time to fit everything into my schedule." and so on. Excuses don't get anyone anywhere. If you are truly serious, you will find a way. I, myself, am still having trouble marketing my work, but I still press on knowing that that I got myself this far, and I will get myself to the final destination, success!

A taste for wine

The only real indulgence I allow myself to have as far as substances are concerned is the occasional glass of wine. I don't smoke, drink liquor or beer, and I don't touch drugs. Red wines are my favorite, maybe because they are so similarly colored to blood! I especially like dessert wines like port but I also enjoy Cabernet Sauvignon, Pinot Noir, and Syrah. Wine is very good to get your creative energies flowing. While your drinking it, it enhances the atmosphere. Therefore, wine can be a very enjoyable experience. I have created several stories while under the influence of wine, and they always turn out rather brilliant. The taste of wine is definitely something to be savored, if you don't enjoy the taste of wine, any wine, you shouldn't drink it.
What I like most about wine is the fact that you can drink it for other reasons than to just get inebriated, which is different than liquor or beer. I feel that every writer should try wine if they ever come across a severe writer's block, you'd be surprised at the results!

Apathy ruling the world

I think the one thing universal about humanity is that nobody truly cares about anybody else, aside from themselves and even then It's rare to see someone that genuinely cares at all. Apathy truly rules the world. So, it amazes me to see some of the things that penetrate the minds and general consciousness of the masses. To say that such things are a general insult to any person that would declare themselves to be intelligent is beyond an understatement. I understand that things of a base nature appeal to most people because they have not taken any time to develop their minds to the point where such things could best be regarded as folly. So, when it all comes down to it, It does not surprise me at all that some of the best work, be it literature or otherwise, is overlooked. What I have been trying to figure out for many years is exactly what people regard as important enough to pay attention to. I, myself, believe that you are what you surround yourself with. And, with that in mind, it should come as no surprise to me when I see that people in general surround themselves with material that poses no benefit to them what so ever. It's like they prefer to be close minded and all-in-all incompetent. Perhaps this can explain why the literature community has so few successful writers. It can also explain why so many in the entertainment industry gain vast fortune. Yes, it's true. The fickleness of people is truly amazing! And also nauseating!
"Apathy it rules the world, And Hypocrisy it follows
Whose to say it goes away, Who cares about tomorrow?"

Obscurity is worse than Death

If you look at the vast of majority of people, what counts as their biggest fear is ironically something that is bound to happen to all of them one day: Death. Whether soon or late, it finds us all, there is no escape. To say such a thing does not bother me would be interpreted as rather boastful, but the truth is there are other things that bother me far more. To leave nothing in your life's wake and be totally forgotten without so much as a common mention would be a fate worse than anything death could give me. I feel that eternal obscurity is far worse than death. It is the same as never existing. To might as well never had taken one breath. I think if people truly look at the principle of obscurity, they will see it the same way I do. It is because of this fact that I look at the majority of the lives people live with disdain. A monotonous plunge into the depths of obscurity is all that I see. I don't care how anyone justifies such a existence. There is nothing worth living such a lie! I really don't know yet what the cure for the affliction of obscurity is, but I have promised myself that one day I shall. For right now, the only thing I could come close to saying is passion. Passion pushes you to follow your inner-most self. Even if that self is supposedly Evil, I would rather follow that than be part of what I call the 'Living Dead'!

A few dark poems

Aside from being a writer of short stories (I have written 24 of them so far and I am currently working on my 25th) I also write the occasional dark poem. I don't know how many I have written, But I do enjoy writing them. Here are a few of them:

"I'm the reason why you lock your doors at night, Sadistic in my mind,
Unequaled in my might. And I love to hear, How mankind thinks it knows,
The reasons why I kill, and the fondness that it sows.
Although a normal look I offer, wholly hides my true intent
Deep inside my heart is twisted, wanting, craving your torment.
Because I have no fear of man, Because I know the lies
There's always chance to spill his blood, Because it satisfies!"

"Tonight my feet will race to the gates, Where hallowed earth and Evil awaits
The place where the dead will surely find sleep, Amidst cold and fog, Melancholy
Tis there that my tongue shall utter the phrase,
My fingers and palms caressing the graves
For the moonlight it grips me, alongside with fear
The Dark one is coming and temptation draws near!"

"True magic I have, The kind you can't see
Can read all your thoughts and knows all your dreams
It can see all the pain that you've had in your life
Perceives all your struggles and knows all your strife
You think your alone when you turn out the light?
I'm the part of your mind that gives you the fright!"

Eerie experiences

I remember when I was very young I had some rather odd occurrences on more than one occasion. One of the earliest was when I was confronted by a strange man while I was on a school field trip. I was in elementary school at the time and my school had just been to the library and was going to the park for lunch. When we arrived there, there was a solitary man standing by the trees and watching all of the children. He looked normal, and while I didn't find it out of the ordinary at the time, as I look back I can now tell it was rather strange. As all of the children, myself included, were sitting and eating their lunch, he decided to approach me and talk. His manner of voice was fear provoking, as with what he wanted to talk about. First he asked me if I believed in God and then he started talking about the Bible. When I looked up at his eyes, I swear they had a sort of red tint to them. As he finished what he was saying, he wanted me to go with him. Saying that he wanted to show me something. My teacher then noticed us talking and told me to come and sit by her. He then gave her a look that was most displeased. To this day I have trouble believing he was actually a man. Possibly something in human form, but not human.
Many odd happenings have I experienced, and although they are frightening I would never change them for they give to me a lot of potential material for my stories.

Query letters

To those of you who are trying to get in contact with a major publishing body, you are going to have to familiarize yourself with the concept of the query letter. Basically, the query letter is a short letter that you send to promising publishers that gives them a overview of you as a writer. It should include highlights of your work, your preferred genre, how long you have been writing , any awards you have received and so on. They should be written in the most professionally manner, as the way you write the letter is going to be a reflection of your overall writing ability.
One bit of advice I may give is to not try to sound desperate when writing one. Most publishers are indeed condescending to say the least(especially to up and coming authors who have no real-world connections). Just as you would in any regular job interview, the point is to give the impression that you are confident in your work but, when it all comes down to it, completely indifferent to their possible rejections.
I, myself, don't really put that great of an emphasis on them to be honest. In my younger years I spent countless hours preparing them and sending them out to several promising agencies. In the long run, I learned that it was me, and me alone, that determined my success or failure. Not some overly exaggerated publishing company. Still, the need to know about them remains.

A sad and unfortunate fact

You start to understand your true level of persistence pertaining to your goals when life throws a curve ball at you. For me, it has been a series of curve balls, but I refuse to allow myself even the thought of relenting my dreams. Getting published was, by itself, a total hardship. Now that I have accomplished that, I find myself faced with an even more daunting task of marketing my books. With all of the readily available technology suited for mass apparel, you would think that reaching a large number of people would not be that difficult. In truth, It's not so much the reaching them but the acquiring of their attention and interest that proves itself troublesome. I have to remind myself everyday that the number of people that don't read is growing everyday. It is a sad unfortunate fact. And the number of people that read Horror literature is even fewer. I plan on changing that fact, but first I must look at the root cause. After all, Illiteracy, in my personal opinion, is almost a disease. But perhaps it is not illiteracy at all. Some people maybe jaded from all the regurgitated material produced by so many authors. Some may or may not enjoy horror. And then the fact that just makes me sick, some people are apparently too lazy to read. Everyone who enjoys sitting on their laurels and watching television must remember that every movie or T.V show started as a book or screenplay. Without the imagination of writers, from any genre, their precious shows would not exist.
I have seen my vision. I have continued to live it. And I will no matter if a generally simple minded public accepts it or not. After all, It's their loss.

Writers block, again!

While I am brainstorming for my new story I have, once again, fallen prey to writers block. I always hate when that happens and it happens every single time I start a new story. No exaggerations. It may be because of the fact that I am a self-confessed perfectionist when it comes to my stories. Everything has to be perfect. The intro, the wording, the title, everything. I feel that my literature represents me as a person and I want my material to be seen as nothing less than perfect. I feel too many writers compromise a certain standard, if you will, a standard that should be shared by all those who consider writing their passion. I am a big believer in writing rough drafts on scratch paper before even considering having the final product typed out and put into a hardcover. Every meticulous detail should be considered while writing the rough draft. And once the final touches have been made and the story is complete, I feel no need for editing or critics!
As with every story I write, I am trying to put together a piece of work never before seen by the general public. Once I pull myself out of this temporary rut, and it is temporary, the creative forces within me will take over and the end result will hopefully mystify others the same way that creating such work does for me!

The Love of the Ghost Story

I wonder if there is anyone alive that doesn't love a good old fashioned ghost story. One that is especially terrifying and may even give people nightmares. It is those which are my utter favorites. The ghost story theme is one I try to emulate with my writing style. My trip to Edinburgh, Scotland made me realize just how much I loved the ghost story. While there I purchased a book on Gothic classics made by obscure authors. I was surprised how similar my style of writing was to these same writers who lived over a century before I was born!
While it is indeed unfortunate that this particular theme, along with every other I might say, is over used or used in a sometimes nonsensical fashion (IE. Casper) I hope to bring back the roots of what made this genre and tradition great. With that said, I very much believe in ghosts.

Playing with a Ouija

For the last couple of days I have been experimenting with a Ouija board. I really like the Occult feel one gets from 'playing' with it if you will, whether it is 100% accurate or not. I find it amusing how so many people will forewarn of the dangers of using one, when they themselves have probably never even tried it. I've heard stories of people 'opening a doorway to Hell', getting possessed, being misled, and so on.
When using it, I go to an abandoned building and bring with me candles, which definitely adds to the 'witchy' feel, if you will. Being alone, I can ask it anything I want to, usually with mixed results. For instance, it told me that a former friend was now dead. It was pretty graphic in the description of how she was killed, so I took it upon myself to investigate whether or not such an event took place. Unfortunately, all of my research was nil. I couldn't find anything. So it could have happened, or maybe not.
The main thing for me, is the feel of it. I tend to relish such things and the atmosphere they bring and I look forward to using it often in the future.

Geographic preferences

Believe it or not, I have a preference for which nations I want my writing to appeal to. I mean all nations on the Earth would be fine by me but, realistically, this might not be the case. Some countries really are more literate than others. Take my own country for example, U.S.A, this is a country whose literacy rate is lower than that of third world countries so when you consider that, than you realize that if your to be successful as a writer here your success is going to be limited.
I really want my works to be noticed in Europe first. Their haunted history and love of all things Gothic make them a prime candidate. Plus, they still love the written word and have a high literacy rate. Japan would be my second choice. The Japanese people love and adore all things they consider to be unique. And they absolutely love horror stories and imagery as well. When one finds success in Japan it is usually not moderate, but explosive! My third choice would definitely be Brazil(and pretty much the rest of South America). The Brazilians, from what I've seen of them, cant get enough of Horror, Heavy Metal music, and insane stuff in general. My kind of people! I usually daydream about how book signings would be in such places and I can almost guarantee that my chances of success as a writer would be much higher there.

Moment of Sadness

I usually try to not let my emotions dictate any sort of action, but today I had some sadness I couldn't quite ignore. My Siamese cat disappeared and I'm pretty sure she went off to die by herself. She was over 23 human years old. Being a total animal lover, you could say that right at this moment in time I'm a little more than depressed. When you have such a connection to an animal, any animal, when they pass away part of you passes with them. I don't know how many pets I have lost in the past, but it was always the same. The loss and emptiness that you feel doesn't end quickly enough and you can never really replace them. Although I admit that I am into some pretty twisted things, I guess that is the part of me that will always cling to what you could call humanity. Whenever I see animals that are dead on the side of the road or abused in any way, I feel terrible for them. I don't think I share the same feelings for people. For all their supposed 'inferiority' I think animals possess noble traits that people could learn from. All people. And though I know I will get over losing her, I know I am going to miss her forever.

Unnecessary Agents

With my experience in dealing with the literary world I have seen many people employ 'agents'. In truth, I really don't see what makes them such a necessity. For the most part, the work they do seems minimal to say the least. Authors and their publishers are usually the ones that put together a marketing plan, get book signings put together, radio and television interviews and so on. Perhaps they are nothing more than a expensive status symbol or prop, which is funny because the authors that I have seen employ them were anything but wealthy. I personally feel that if you are willing to do the work that is required to get your material to the public, then you do not need them.
I know many of them will never admit to this fact. According to them, you won't get to point 'B' without their help. But, chances are, with their help you will worse off than you were without it, with their expensive fees and lack of productive results. From what I've heard, the majority of them are chock full of excuses when things don't go well for their clientele. Well, excuses don't get anybody anywhere. And then there is the 'connections' argument. That they know so-and-so and could get you a up-close and personal arrangement for them to see your work. It's probable that so-and-so considers them just as annoying as I do (if they even know them) so that is usually nothing more than a blow-hard statement, one they all make by the way. My point is, you don't necessarily need anyone that doesn't contribute 100% to what your doing and yet expects to reap the benefits. With enough mettle and perseverance, you'll do just fine without them!

Feelings of religion

One of the main points I try to convey in several of my stories revolves around my feelings regarding organized religion. To say I look down on the very concept of it is definitely a understatement. Even to this day, wars are fought in the name of it and thousands of people are needlessly slaughtered. If you take a close look at any of them, you will see them as I do. A criminal organization that is essentially designed to brainwash simple folk for their own twisted purposes. With promises of salvation and paradise for the 'faithful' and of pain and damnation for the 'non-believers', they give to themselves a great deal of room for misinterpretation.
I use my stories as a vehicle to try and show their absolute folly. I personally believe that good and evil is in the eye of the beholder. A simple argument of a point of view, if you will. What one believes as good and wholesome might be seen as immoral to another. And the more people argue about who is 'RIGHT' the more hypocritical and absurd they appear. The conclusion of such an argument usually results in actions that make all parties involved seem more primal than anything else. It is truly sad to think of how many souls have perished for such nonsense.

Starting Another Short Story

It's been almost two months and now it's time to start working on another short story. The one that comes to mind is a concept I have had in my mind for some time now. Labeled 'One Night in Csejthe', it is based in the castle of the Blood Countess Elizabeth Bathory. I have to admit she is definitely one of my favorite historical characters. Anyway, the story will revolve a bunch of dim-witted ghost hunters who travel to Slovakia (where the castle is located) to try and see if indeed the castle is haunted. Needless to say, in my story they get much more than they bargain for. Now all I have to do is develop the storyline a bit more. And that is usually what takes the longest. You see, when you start a story you should have a pretty good idea of where you want to go with it, otherwise writers block will set in and that is most assuredly nerve-wracking. So, of course, I am doing a bunch of research on the castles appearance, it's terrain, etc.
It takes me usually two to three months to plan, start, and then complete a story. If it takes me any longer it is usually because of some external factor that is blocking my concentration in some way, and I cannot stand when that happens! Hopefully, for the rest of my days I can still keep coming up with material that is unique, original, and wicked as Hell!

Reflections on rejection

The initial reaction to rejection for everyone is usually the same, especially when dealing with the rejection of something that you have created and are proud of. For the most part, depression will follow no matter how hard you try to convince yourself otherwise. Most people will start second-guessing their work and capabilities, thinking to themselves 'If maybe I change this and this and that, then so-and-so might accept it as something good'. I have seen several people go through this vicious and terrible scenario and the end result is always the same. They stop following their own instincts as writers and begin to try to create material that the majority of readers will accept, never knowing until it's too late that when your work is completely unique and it is still rejected, there is nothing you can do that will generally please those who have rejected you in the first place. Once this grim reality is finally learned by most, the frustration is so immense that the majority of people will usually give up writing entirely.
I, myself, never bothered to care at all about those who had anything else but positive reflections of my work. It gives me no benefit what so ever to even give a half-second listen to people such as they. Whether people like my work or not, it is mine and mine alone. It is not made for everyone to enjoy, and to tell you the truth, I prefer it that way!

The Demon Within

I find myself driven. Driven by a force that ceases to relent. A force that refuses to give to me an ounce of peace. It is because of this unholy force that I chose to become a writer in the first place, as no other outlet would suffice to purge the demon within. It does not matter how many tales of iniquity I complete, the demands upon me to create more of them, even more shocking and wicked than the first, are never ending. The more I choose to ignore them, the more unsustainable they become. I'm sure that people trained in psychology would label someone as myself as being quite insane, but that is not the case at all. I know from the experience of working in an insane asylum, that someone who is truly insane has lost all form of self control. I know exactly what I'm doing. Those that are spiritual might suspect that I'm possibly possessed, and that might be the case, but the simple fact is I feel I have been given a gift. A dark gift, but a gift none the less.
You see, I feel that there are many things in life that are much worse than death. A life plagued by monotony where the only relief to the endless cycle of day to day meaninglessness is the touch of lady luck (who never comes) or the grave. Or, all those lost souls standing on the corner with the cardboard signs and the looks of despair on their faces. My gift separates me from such an existence by driving me to succeed, even if it is beyond the point of humanity. Sometimes I wonder if it is indeed a curse or a blessing.

Pathetic practices of publishing bodies

I remember hearing about how, out of frustration or to try and prove a point, a person took various pieces of well-known classic literature and sent it all to a publishing company only to have the company reject it. To me, this was a blatant example of how ineffective most major publishing companies are when judging material.
I'm almost certain that there are hundreds, maybe even thousands, of extremely talented writers out there of all genre's that will probably never even get noticed because of this sad fact. So, it makes me wonder. Do they even pay attention to what the public actually likes? or, do they feel that they can conceivably dictate what is or is not supposed to be accepted? Either way it's pretty nauseating!
It is becoming more of a rarity to have any writer worth their salt approached at all by companies that implore such tactics. It is my honest opinion that a practice such as this one is the reason that the literary community is faltering to say the least.
I, myself, have had plenty of experience regarding the frustration when dealing with such supposed 'experts' of publication. In my younger years I sent out something to the extent of 60, that's right 60, query letters and didn't even get one response. I'm not alone in this horrible circumstance though. The famous author Stephen King had to endure an estimated 80 rejections of his work!

Ignoring the critics

I find it rather amusing that anyone pays any attention to critics. I mean these are the people that have never in their lives sought to do anything other than blatantly insult someone else's work. Has anyone ever noticed that most of them are never satisfied with anything anyone has done. That they always have to add in their filthy two-cents, even if it makes them look absolutely ridiculous. I personally feel that the reason they are so condescending is because of jealousy. I'm pretty sure that they know for a fact that they will never be able to create anything worth paying attention to and they lament so terribly about this, that the only release they have from such misery is to lam bast someone who can in fact create something immaculate.
Although none of them would ever admit to such a dubious character flaw, To me it's pretty obvious. Why else would they waste their time belittling anyone else's work, no matter how profoundly awful they found it to be? Interesting question I'd say.
And when you look at the material that most of the critics give praise to, it makes you have even less respect for them. It's like the only work they appreciate is based on popularity, not substance.
No matter how you look at it, critics are especially mundane, crass, and worst of all, ordinary. Chances are, if they weren't tearing another person's work to shreds they probably wouldn't have a purpose in life.

Disappointing contemporaries

I remember walking through the book section of a popular department store one day, and as I was walking I stopped to see the horror books they had on display. Needless to say that, aside from some decent-looking covers, they were beyond disappointing. I always find it rather sad that the only writers receiving any publicity nowadays are the ones that try to generally please the masses. Horror writers are no exception.
I find it equally ridiculous that some of their material is even considered horror when in truth it is usually romance and mystery tinged. Some even go as far as to add comedy to their works as well. Comedy has no place in the violent abyss of what is supposed to be Horror! Can you imagine such Blasphemy!
Since all the greats have long since passed, it is truly a shame that others have not dutifully carried on their works. But, perhaps, that is where I come in. Most of my stories have within them such wickedness that it even makes me wonder 'How on Earth did this come to fruition'. Such work is a pleasure indeed.

Something to grow on

Just the other day I received an E-mail I thought was more than a little odd. It seems my old would-be publisher (the one I have mentioned on more than one occasion) wrote to me saying that she desperately needed some advice regarding a certain mental condition she had been afflicted with. While I do possess ample knowledge regarding mental and psychological disorders, I found it bizarre to say the least. She truly must have been desperate to ask me, of all people in the world, for assistance. And because I can be honorable when I choose to be, I gave her what information I deemed useful. I must admit that I found the whole situation humorous indeed.
It just goes to show that our actions do, in fact, catch up with us after all. I'm sure when she was in full possession of her mental capabilities she would have never considered such an act. This is the same person who I had to track down with an attorney and forcibly persuade to return to me my money and the rights of my first book (she also cost me three years of my time and many opportunities regarding publicity) Don't get me wrong, I don't necessarily wish anyone ill-will, but when karma rears it's ugly head to those who have tried to wrong me,I don't feel bad about it either.

Instigating phenomena

When speaking of rituals, be they ceremonial magic or otherwise, all I can say is Don't mock them until you've tried them. I believe that when they are executed properly they can indeed produce results that can be largely beneficial.
I, myself, have tried different ones on more than one occasion, always for the same reason: to instigate phenomena. In that sense, the end result is not so much something that you see per se, it is something that you feel. I laugh when I see all of these prime time shows claiming to be 'Ghosthunters' or something like that go in to an area supposedly haunted and trying to just 'see' something, when in truth it's always about what you feel. And you should feel exhilarated, not fearful.
Whenever I conduct a ritual, it's always by candlelight. I feel that it adds to the aura of mystery and naturally adds to the supernatural effect.
I include such aspects of the Occult in many of my short stories and I have studied many ancient cultures that used the art of ritual in their daily lives. The Egyptians and the Romans are, by far, my favorite. And I truly believe that any ritual will work accordingly to the amount of belief put into it.

Fascination with Imagery

I have been fascinated with the imagery of Evil for as long as I can remember. I remember when I was young, I would read the bible solely to learn more about the legends surrounding Hell, The Dragon(or Devil, if you will), The Antichrist, The Whore of Babylon, and the false prophet. Nothing else in that book interested me.
The exploits of men such as Aleister Crowley and Eliphas Levi have also caught my attention. I'm also moved by the mythologies surrounding many ancient cultures, who all have their own version of what they consider Evil. Ancient Egypt, for example, had a wicked God named Set. Everything I can find out about him, I do. The Greeks had the Goddess Hecate (one of my favorites!)and I don't know how many Gods of Evil the Romans had. In Persian Zoroastrianism, their embodiment of iniquity is called Ahriman.
These gods were the epitome of wrongdoing in the ancient world and I've noticed that they carry with themselves the same characteristics that human beings possess, all of them. The Vampire, in it's original state as a pure Hellion, is also fascinating. Before being romanticized by Hollywood, it was nothing less than a life-draining demon. And it's interesting to note that the movie 'Dracula' was actually inspired by two people of Eastern European descent. One was Vlad Tepes, also known as Vlad the Impaler. And the other was Elizabeth Bathory, the blood countess.