Thursday, August 19, 2010
The concept of love is one I have had to struggle with my entire life. I guess every true freak feels the same way, and with good reason. For most of us, love is nothing more than a hopeless ideology. A well-intentioned fantasy. I learned at a young age that people could be cruel, especially the ones that are supposed to be most loving(i.e Family). And that terrible truth holds just as much truth to this very day as it did back then. It's not that I think that love doesn't exist, Of course it does. I just think that it definitely is not the way we think it is. I think it is a privilege of very few. You know, those seemingly happy couples that we've all passed from time to time. If your not one of them, you must get used to the pain and humility of rejection and indifference. Most of us cannot endure such a thing. I have seen many people tolerate abuse like you could not believe because they were terrified of being alone. And what do you think makes them feel such fear? Aside from the basic insecurities we all feel, I think it's fear of feeling like they were inferior. The feeling of being like a freak! When I was young I used to feel it too. When enough time passed that fear and self-loathing turned into a kind of dignity, believe it or not. Now, it doesn't even bother me. A thousand rejections or humiliations wouldn't even matter. I find solace in being a freak. A solace that normal people couldn't imagine!