Favorite seasons

Believe it or not, I'm really not a spring or summer person. My favorite seasons are autumn and winter. I like what they tend to symbolize. A lot of the stories I create take place in either one or the other. Not to mention that my favorite holiday, Halloween, takes place around the same time as well. I think the world is most beautiful around this time. The dying, fading colors. The cold and chilling weather. The somber mood and atmosphere. I truly enjoy myself around this time. I like the historical significance that comes with both seasons. How the ancient people would sacrifice to their gods and pray for a good harvest. Some ancient societies even had gods that represented these seasons. There is absolutely nothing like walking through a graveyard during autumn or, especially, winter. The feel is pure pleasure. At least it is for me!

Opening the RIGHT doors

I have heard several people say that in order for an author to get well known to the public that they have to go on radio and television programs, give seminars, attend events, and so on. I don't know if it always rings true for everyone. You know the saying, there are many different roads that take you to the same place. Call me old fashioned, but I believe that if you can get the right people to read your work, and if by chance they like it, then you can open several doors for yourself without having to partake of so many endeavors. The question is 'How do you get the RIGHT people to show any interest in reading it?' That usually proves troublesome. But, I don't think it's necessarily impossible. I'm pretty sure that there are several people out there with numerous connections that love a good horror read. And with that in mind, I've always got my eyes open!

A reason to live

Usually with a story, I have to inch my way to progress. It happens every time I put a pen to paper. I marvel at writers who can just breeze their way through their work without having to deal with writers block and so forth. But chances are these very same writers are probably not as meticulous as myself when it comes to my work. Being a perfectionist, as a writer, is second nature. Every word must be perfect. No exceptions. Such a demand from myself requires a lot of painstaking effort, but I feel it is worth it. The feeling you have when complete a story that you are proud of is the best euphoria a person can have, In my honest opinion. I don't simply want someone to read my work, I want them to FEEL it in their every being! I want to shock them. I want to alter their perception on reality as a whole and have them question their very life and purpose. And I never want them to experience a healthy night of sleep again! It is that necessity to move people with my wicked words that I still continue to write. It is my salvation. My reason to carry on with life!

Perpetual emptiness

I have a struggle with what I call 'perpetual emptiness'. It's that feeling that you are truly dead inside. That nothing really matters, not even life itself. To have such feelings you no longer feel the joy of life and living basically turns to an unwanted sort of chore. It would be difficult to describe this to someone who has never felt it. Professionals probably call it 'Depression' but I think there is more to it than that. Feeling the way that I sometimes do, I can understand why some people decide to commit suicide. Although I, myself, would never even think of doing anything like that. Others who feel similar as myself probably have forgotten the joys life is supposed to bring with it and instead feel nothing but sorrow. In that state, it seems that nothing can bring you out of it. Not even a strong desire to free yourself from it. After all, who really wants to live like that? I have had this struggle for most of my life and even to this day I don't know of any permanent solution to it. The only answer I keep giving myself is to try to continue on with life, even if it is only to see even more 'perpetual emptiness'.

Inevitable Madness

"We all go a little MAD sometimes" Who could forget the famous quote from the character Norman bates from the film 'Psycho'? I think there is more validity to that statement than some might think. With people being the way that they are and life being usually chaotic, madness should be pretty ordinary. I actually have a lot of experience in dealing with the subject at hand. I worked in a mental institution for three years. Prior to working there I had no experience in such a place, so you can just imagine how much of a shock it was to me. After spending three years in such a place, you really start to ask the question "Is there really that much of a difference between madness and normalcy?" Even to this day I don't know if I can answer that. A lot of the patients I saw actually had normal lives before they were subjected to some kind of terrible trauma. When you look at that fact rather closely, you can see that anyone and everyone can be subject to insanity. It all depends on your circumstances. Life can be fragile. Even the slightest sort of negative happening can alter it forever. Considering how weak psychologically most people are, there is good chance that they will never recover from any sort of true trauma. It is because of this fact, that I myself have adopted the philosophy "Madness is Bliss"

What is Greatness?

What truly is greatness? I ask myself this very question on a consistent basis. Is it monetary success? Having people admire your work? Or is it something that is within you that only you can feel? Everyone probably has a different view of it, as everyone sees or senses it through different things. Being a writer, I only apply how I see it through literature. I believe the only people that have achieved greatness in this field have long since passed. And while I see several people trying to achieve it today, they just don't have the magic those of long ago possessed. Today I think writers are solely interested in fame and fortune and not substance at all. You can easily observe this fact when reading any of their work. It is based on the 'selling' formula, if you will, that everyone has been force fed for years. Sure, they might sell a lot of books. They might even get themselves an interview on a popular talk show. But, they are losing the true essence of being a writer which is to create something interesting and thought provoking. To 'move' someone with their words. The greats of the past could easily accomplish this feat. The writers of today are a lot of things, but not for one second would I call them 'Great'!

Why love?

The concept of love is one I have had to struggle with my entire life. I guess every true freak feels the same way, and with good reason. For most of us, love is nothing more than a hopeless ideology. A well-intentioned fantasy. I learned at a young age that people could be cruel, especially the ones that are supposed to be most loving(i.e Family). And that terrible truth holds just as much truth to this very day as it did back then. It's not that I think that love doesn't exist, Of course it does. I just think that it definitely is not the way we think it is. I think it is a privilege of very few. You know, those seemingly happy couples that we've all passed from time to time. If your not one of them, you must get used to the pain and humility of rejection and indifference. Most of us cannot endure such a thing. I have seen many people tolerate abuse like you could not believe because they were terrified of being alone. And what do you think makes them feel such fear? Aside from the basic insecurities we all feel, I think it's fear of feeling like they were inferior. The feeling of being like a freak! When I was young I used to feel it too. When enough time passed that fear and self-loathing turned into a kind of dignity, believe it or not. Now, it doesn't even bother me. A thousand rejections or humiliations wouldn't even matter. I find solace in being a freak. A solace that normal people couldn't imagine!